When God Meets Us in the Paddock: My Journey to Writing a Healing Journal

When God Meets Us in the Paddock: My Journey to Writing a Healing Journal

There are quiet moments with God that change everything—moments that don’t come with lightning or loud voices, but with a whisper, a sense of presence, or a breath of peace when you need it most. For me, many of those moments have come beside a horse.

But let me be clear: this isn’t really a story about horses.

This is a story about how God reached into the broken places of my heart with gentleness, how He walked me through years of pain, and how He continues to guide me—sometimes beside a horse, often with a journal, always with His love.

A Wounded Heart Still Longing

For much of my life, I felt like I had to earn love. Like many who’ve experienced abuse—especially when it happens at the hands of someone close to you—I grew up with a distorted sense of who I was and what I was worth. I knew how to put on a strong face, how to help others, and how to work hard. But deep inside, I struggled with feeling unworthy, invisible, and unsure of whether I was truly lovable.

Even after coming to know Jesus, I wrestled with the idea that God could love me as I was. I believed in His power. I believed He could heal others. But I wasn’t sure He would go that far for me.

What I’ve come to learn is that God doesn’t just tolerate our brokenness—He embraces it. He doesn’t demand that we get it all together before coming to Him. In fact, He often waits for us in the shadows, in the paddocks of our lives, in the places we hide.

Horses and the Healing Nature of Stillness

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved horses. There’s something about being near them that quiets my soul. They don’t need words. They sense things. They live in the present moment. And they respond best not to pressure, but to presence.

Over time, I began to see something sacred in this. Not just the beauty of the animal—but a picture of how God relates to us.

When we’ve been wounded, we often put up walls. We guard ourselves. We keep a safe distance. Horses do that too, especially if they’ve been mistreated. But when someone shows up with gentleness, patience, and consistency, the walls begin to come down. Not because they’re forced to—but because trust is slowly being rebuilt.

That’s exactly what God did with me.

He didn’t barge into my pain. He didn’t demand that I trust Him. He waited. He stayed close. He let me take steps toward Him at my own pace. And every time I reached out, He was there—not with shame, but with grace.

The Course That Opened a Door

Years ago, God led me to create a course for women and men who had experienced abuse. I poured my heart into it. Every lesson was built from years of counselling, study, and personal experience. The course offered truth, insight, and biblical guidance for those ready to face their pain and walk the path of restoration.

But as I shared the course, I began to see something else.

Some people weren’t ready yet. They longed to heal but were too fragile, too unsure, or too scared to step into something that felt that deep, that fast. I could sense the same hesitation I had once felt—the fear of opening a door and not knowing what would be on the other side.

And then, once again, God whispered.

I knew the fear that others were feeling—I had lived it myself. But I was at a loss as to how to present what God had taught me in a way that didn’t feel overwhelming. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how to make the first steps feel safe.

One day, while talking with my friend Amy, I shared my heart—the ache I felt for those who wanted to heal but were too afraid to begin. Amy gently said, “Maybe it needs to be something gentler. What if you started with a journal?”

Her words rang true. It wasn’t just an idea—it felt like a God-directed moment. Some people don’t need a program or a course right away. Some need a gentler path.

A Journal for the Weary Heart

That’s how the healing journal was born.

I wanted to create a space where someone who had been deeply wounded could take the first step—not into a course or a program, but into stillness, safety, and reflection. A place to begin quietly. Thoughtfully. With God.

This journal is designed for those who might still be hiding in the shadows, unsure if they can trust again. It’s filled with Scriptures, reflections, and questions that invite—not pressure—you to explore your story and open your heart to the One who already knows it fully.

There’s space to write, space to breathe, and space to listen. It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up.

Why Horses Are Still in the Picture

As I wrote the journal, I found myself returning to the image of the horse—not as the main focus, but as a quiet companion on the journey.

Horses taught me about presence. They reminded me of what it means to approach someone who’s scared, not with demands but with gentleness. They helped me see how God had walked with me—not with shame or pressure, but with unwavering love.

So while this journal isn’t about horses, it carries their spirit. It’s about healing slowly. Trusting again. Being led gently. And learning to believe that God’s love isn’t something we earn—it’s something we receive.

For You, If You’re Hurting

If you’re reading this and your heart feels heavy—if you’ve been wounded and wonder if healing is even possible—please know this:

You are not alone.

God sees you. He’s not afraid of your pain. He’s not disappointed in your tears. He’s not waiting for you to be stronger. He is already with you.

And if you’re not ready for a full course or deep counselling work just yet, that’s okay. This journal was created for people just like you—for those who need a gentle invitation rather than a big leap.

Let this be a beginning.

Let this be a place where you meet God in the quiet, where you explore your story without judgment, and where you allow the One who made you to begin healing what has been broken.

My Hope for You

Writing this journal has been a deeply personal journey. It’s a reflection of the healing God has done in me and the healing I long to see in others. I don’t have all the answers. But I do know the One who does.

God doesn’t just want to heal you—He wants to walk with you.

He wants to restore your dignity, renew your mind, and bring beauty from the ashes. And He will. In His time. In His way. With tenderness.

Whether you love horses or not, whether you’re familiar with journaling or new to it, this space is for you. Come as you are. Let the pages be a meeting place between your story and God’s love.

Final Words

I believe God still writes stories with hope. I believe no wound is too deep for His touch. And I believe you’re not reading this by accident.

If your heart longs for healing but doesn’t know where to begin, maybe the first step is simply picking up a pen—and letting God meet you on the page.

He’s already waiting.

Am I Ready to Begin Healing?

Our 7 gentle, reflective questions are meant to help you pause, listen to your heart, and begin to discern where you are on your journey—and where God may be inviting you next. Click here to take the quiz