The Power of Knowing Ourselves

July 16, 2025•6 min read

I have this journal where I write down the things that touch my heart or challenge me to more, more living, more loving, and more God. I read through it today, and I found this quote from Chuck Colson from his book Loving God.

The real legacy of my life was my biggest failure – that I was an ex-convict. My greatest humiliation – being sent to prison – was the beginning of God’s greatest use of my life; He chose the one experience in which I could not glory for His glory…
The kingdom of God is a kingdom of paradox, where through the ugly defeat of the cross, a Holy God is utterly glorified. Victory comes through defeat, healing through brokenness, finding self through losing self.

As I read these lines, I began to think of my own life, about all the failures, the wrongs I have committed and the shame that I have felt and sometimes still feel. Looking back is not a comfortable thing to do because even though I have changed and I am more mature now (hopefully), my life is a work in progress, and there is still much to be done.

People could use me and hurt me

As I began to reflect, I realized that what Chuck Colson says is so true. I have learned that my biggest failures were, and still are, to some extent, relational. I was a victim of my fear and wanted to be loved so badly but afraid to let anyone get close. People could use me and hurt me, but I never said anything because that was what I had grown up with, and I truly believed that the way I was treated was normal. I seemed to attract, or be drawn to, the kind of person that just seemed to “know” how to use me. I lived and relived rejection in so many relationships, and I just accepted it because I had learned it.

That is not to say that all my relationships were terrible, but it seemed that I was always on the outside looking in. It was later in life that I began to realize that I related the way I did because of the abuse that I had received throughout my life (my way of dealing with my pain had been to ignore it, to disasociate from it, and so I didn’t, and still don’t, remember much of my life). Upon remembering things, I was then overwhelmed with shame about how I had allowed myself to be robbed of what I longed for the most.

I was a failure!

I didn’t measure up. It always seemed like I was not quite as good as the next person. My mother told me that I would never be good enough and that no one would ever be able to love me because I didn’t know how to love, and sadly, I believed that lie. I got engaged and then disengaged. I would have a great friendship with a man, and then when things got serious, I would bolt. Even with women, the friendship would get to a certain point, but then I would find myself pulling back because I was so afraid of hurting them or being hurt. (How that lie about hurting others came about is another story).

I was broken!

I was not the person that I wanted to be or dreamed of being.

I wanted to love but didn’t know how to. I was confused because my heart would long to embrace someone, but my very being would recoil at the thought of it. I felt things profoundly but was petrified to express what was inside of me. I wanted to be loved, yet when people would get close to me, I would be filled with fear that I would be hurt again. Fear that I would hurt them. Fear that I would be rejected. Fear that I would not measure up to what was expected of me or what I felt was expected of me.

I was lost!

Alone and not understanding me, I threw myself into my work and thought that at least they can appreciate what I do even if they can’t enjoy me. I was constantly working, saying “yes” to everything I was being asked and feeling more alone and isolated every day. Emptiness filled my soul; I began to wonder, “what is the point” and I started to lose hope.

Thankfully, that is not the end of the story. For decades, that is who I was, but that is not who I am today, and Lord willing, it is not who I will be tomorrow.

I found hope...

I share my story with you because I am concerned for those that are living like I was. Those of you that appear to have it all together on the outside but are dying on the inside or those whose life is falling apart and everyone knows it. I want you to know that there is hope.

Many believe that the harm done to them is in the past and will go away if they ignore it. Others believe that if they tell the world about it, then they will be fine. Still, others think that they are justified in being angry, aggressive, and defensive with everyone and everything. Sadly, it doesn’t matter what you believe or what you do or don’t do because none of these ways of dealing with your heart or the pain of hurt or abuse will be successful. You will end up robbing yourself of what you long for the most, relational intimacy, just like I did.

When we believe the lies that others or our experiences have told us, we respond to life based on these lies.

The sad thing is that when we do this, we allow the past to control the present; the lies obscure the truth (and it is the truth that sets us free). All of this robs us of our future.

It is so crucial for us to tell our story. But in the telling, we need to realize that it is not just a statement of “I have been hurt” or “I have been abused” or “Me Too” because what happens so often, is that you become a statistic, one of many, and being a statistic doesn’t help with the pain and emptiness in yours or my soul. We all need to be able to tell our story to someone who will listen with understanding, compassion, and a willingness to walk with us towards healing.

Knowing is the secret ingredient for change from within – hence the title of my podcast.

We should never underestimate the power of knowing ourselves.

The small steps that we take may seem insignificant at first, but when they are all put together, they become the momentum that allows you and me to reach our desired goals.

If you are reading this and can relate to my story because of your own experiences in this life, I invite you to take a walk with me. It is not a short walk. It is not an easy walk. Instead, it marks the beginning of a journey toward freedom and healing from the past, with the promise of hope for a healthier future.